It can be very sad, frightening and confusing when you realize a loved one is no longer able to care for themselves. Increased accidents, in the home and out, lack of financial responsibility, inability to keep house, cook, shop or practice good hygiene are all indications that a once capable person, or persons, (in the case of aging couples), needs more assistance. But what type of assistance is needed? Where do you find it? Who pays for it? Who makes this decision?
The first step is to observe and make notes about the actions, or lack thereof, that make you suspect that assistance is needed. Family and friends who have been close to for some time may be easier to diagnose, since you can compare how they are now to how they were before.
If they seem still capable of understanding their situation, sit and speak with them about it. Listen carefully to what they are saying, then look around you. They may be able to tell you what type of help they need, can afford and will accept. If this is the case, you have only to find such assistance in their area, help them make the calls, check out references and make the decisions and financial arrangements required to secure them.
Make every effort to show respect and consideration of their wishes and concerns, as you would any other adult. Too often well meaning friends and family begin to treat the dependent person like a witless child, ordering them around, making decisions without consulting them or ignoring their wishes entirely. This will create resentment, resistance and depression in the person you are trying to help, none of which will make their lives better in their own estimation. Ask yourself, “Would I like to be treated this way?” or “Is this action necessary and appropriate for this person at this time?”. If the answer to either question is no, you maybe overstepping your authority and/or invading their personal space. Back off!
Once services are in place, keep an eye on them to be sure they are receiving the services they contracted for, and that these are still adequate. Aging and illness tend to be progressive and you may need to find more or different assistance as they do. Be sure they assign a Power of Attorney, for health, financial or total control, to a person or persons of their confidence, while they still can.
If, on the other hand, they are confused, forgetful, too ill or injured to assess their own situation, it will fall upon you to do so for them. Again, use your eyes, ears, nose and their surroundings to help you understand the level of need your friend or loved one needs. Stacks of unopened bills, dunning letters for unpaid ones, unusual and inappropriate expenditures, lack of physical or mental ability to carry on their usual lifestyle, increasing accidents will make their needs increasingly clear.mental health billing services
Try to secure a Power of Attorney to act on their behalf, or contact siblings or children who can do so. Under no circumstances should you take over their health care or financial/lifestyle decisions without one. You could open yourself up for some very serious accusations or even legal issues otherwise.
Once you are clear to act on their behalf, use the same due diligence as you would with the lucid person, but in this case, you will have to make the care choices for them and all the corresponding arrangements and, as in the first case, keep a watchful on them to be sure they receive the quality and level of care promised.
So now we come to the level of care required. At first, a mildly ill, injured or aged person may only need partial assistance in the home, to help cook, clean, do laundry or major chores, help with medications or other non-medical activities. Home health agencies provide just such services. Look for licensed, insured and recommended agencies and don’t be afraid to ask for lots of referrals. These people will be alone with your friend or loved one and have access to all their personal belongings. You want to be sure they are safe.
If they need assistance with financial concerns such as bill paying, taxes, estate planning, etc., there are companies that provide these as well, for a fee. Again, use the same precautions as with the home health agency and monitor these services closely. These companies are often able to help create the correct type of funding to provide for immediate and future care of the individual and suggest agencies that provide other services needed, government or private.
However, if after careful assessment you determine that they really are unable to go on living on their own, assisted living may be the next step. In an assisted living residence, your friend/family member will receive basic services like; cleaning of their room, clean bedding, cooked meals, assistance with medications, doctor’s appointments and emergencies. They will still be able to come and go as they please/are able to and receive visitors at will. These are usually individual apartments or bungalows, often equipped with emergency alarms in every room